Honoring a Pregnancy Loss
Grieving a lost pregnancy is an incredibly nuanced topic within the broader discussion of miscarriage and infertility. Absent of an established bond with a person, the benefits of formally honoring a pregnancy loss can be overlooked, leaving couples limited ways to journey through the complex range
I have two children, but I need both hands to count the times I’ve been pregnant. It is bittersweet to remember how it felt the very first time, overwhelmed by the idea I was no longer alone. That my body nourished another. It made the loss—in my case, sudden and unexplained—much more bewildering.
Each pregnancy is a miracle and mystery that transforms who we are. As Call the Midwife’s Jenny Lee would say, “Each will linger in the mind; each will teach us what it is to love, to be torn, to nurture, and to let go… But the bonds, however delicate, were perfect, they were real, and their fleeting sense will live forever on the air.”
Miscarriage can be incredibly painful. Even still, the importance of formally honoring a pregnancy loss is often overlooked. It leaves couples limited options for journeying through the complex emotions that come with this kind of pain. But grieving is a crucial part of healing, and I’m a big believer in transferring emotion into art that can be experienced, touched, or shared. Below are a couple of ways you can memorialize your loss or grieve alongside a friend:
Build a Butterfly Garden
Carve out a space in your yard to tend, reflect, and help things grow. Wildflowers and perennials make a great choice to attract butterflies, bees, and other symbols of renewal in nature. Consider adding a wind chime or personalized rock to finish the space.
Create a Memorial Worry Stone
The pocket-sized round stones can be carried and rubbed when you think about your loss. They can also help grieving parents manage sadness, stress, and anxiety. Handcraft your own with bakeable clay. You can also mold it into a unique shape or carve it with an inspirational word or scripture.
Write a Prayer
Memorialize your experience by writing a poem, quote, or prayer. You can even have parts of it printed on a bracelet or pendant, creating a keepsake you can cherish for years.
